


Experiment: Humanoid

by qinipo



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Also they fight a lot, Android Cores, Android Wheatley, F/M, Fact core has a lot of facts, M/M, Rick finds himself very cool, Space core is obsessed with space, They are put in human bodies is what im trying to say here, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 08:04:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4599096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qinipo/pseuds/qinipo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when you put four of the most idiotic robots ever created in Aperture Laboratories together in a house?</p><p>Especially when they have never seen the sunlight before?</p><p>And especially if they get a list with tasks that look easy for any human, but that might be undo-able for a former metal ball that's obsessed with Space?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Experiment: Humanoid

**Author's Note:**

> I've written this piece along with dutch-geek.tumblr.com! She wrote Rick and Kevin, I've written Glados, Wheatley and Craig. You can find me at hobbitsizednerd.tumblr.com.
> 
> This is only a snippet of what we have written until now. We really love working on this fic together and talking about headcanons, and we hope you love reading the fic, too! =D
> 
> You might find some small errors in the writing style or in the spelling. These are there because we are both Dutch and both high school students. Please. Forgive us. Also we wrote this in rp- style so that's why it's written in the way it's written.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy reading!

That bickering. That endless muttering about Space. The endless stream of Facts- and most of them didn’t even seem to be true. The boasting, the endless boasting about adventures that the core hadn’t even been on. And the moron. Oh, the moron with the most stupid ideas she’d ever heard.

GLaDOS could handle a lot, but there were some things that even God- like robots couldn't bear. Those four cores had been doing countless jobs during the past few years in Aperture, but the thought of getting rid of them had been playing through her mind for ages. She needed to. They were like parasites, invading her silent space, her thoughts, her testing. Every time when she tried to start up a new testing chamber, one of those morons came and messed something up. She only let them stick around for… emotional reasons. She needed to cut that out. It wasn’t healthy.

So, one day, she'd made the decision that should save her facility and her testing results. She had to do this.

With a click, She activated the calling function in the four Cores, calling them to her room with a, "I want to see you in ten minutes. It is extremely important. Do not, I repeat, do not get distracted on your way here."

Craig had been working in the archives but immediately stopped for the sake of seeing GLaDOS. Wheatley, though, hesitated before making way to her liar. He'd responded to her call with a start and he wasn't really looking forward to knowing why she needed to see him.

Rick- of course- was also caught off guard by GLaDOS' request. As far as he could remember he’d done nothing wrong.. or had that moron spread some kind of rumour about him, again? With a robotic huff, he went over to GLaDOS' main room.

"I swear, if I wasn't a metal ball, I'd kick that idiots ass. I'm so tired of him breaking stuff and blaming it on me!" he thought. Not that Rick never broke stuff. He made a mess quite often. One time he'd destroyed a whole hallway, trying to recreate a scene from Indiana Jones...

When he saw Kevin on his railing heading to GLaDOS as well, he was sure it wasn't because of the usual. Something else was going on.

Kevin looked at Rick. Wondering the same thing as he- why did GLaDOS call them?

"Hey Rick! Hey! Hey! Do you think she'll send us into space perhaps? I-in a spaceship? Oh man that would be FAN-TAS-TIC wouldn't it?!" Both cores arrived in GLaDOS's room. "Hey! Are you going to send us into SPACE?"

Rick glanced at Kevin and thought, ‘Now.. don't give her ideas. Moron- I swear all of them are morons. Pinky won't shut up. Wheatley is just… dumb. And Kevin? Well. It's always space with him…’

GLaDOS narrowed her optic at them and turned away from the two spheres. Then, she started moving her lair around a little. It was unclear why at first, but then two other small metal balls were getting bigger and bigger as they were coming closer to her lair. As first Craig, the Fact Core entered, immediately zoofed over to Her, coming to rest against Her chassis with a soft 'clank', before moving back with a loud screech as he was electrocuted. Wheatley just looked down at the floor. He'd learned his lesson long before that moment. Don’t cross GLaDOS or there will be consequences.

"Hello," GLaDOS greeted them, Her voice monotonous. "I am pleased to tell you that I have an important assignment for you four. To fulfil this assignment, you will be leaving Aperture."

Wheatley's optic opened fully immediately. Could this mean- would he finally...

"You will have several tasks. If you fail these miserably simple tasks, it will have consequences. You will also receive, before you go to the surface, a humanoid body."

Rick froze completely and stared at GLaDOS. "We will what? And.. a humanoid body?! " he yelled, shocked. He then cleared his throat and continued with his normal voice, "I mean, uh.. do.. do we get any say in this? Besides.. what’s the use of this? O- other then that it will be a great adventure.." Rick chuckled nervously, and looked at the floor. It was pretty obvious he did not like what GLaDOS had in store for them.

Kevin however, seemed to be quite exited about it "So.. so.. so.. so- so- so we get a humanoid body? And… And... A-and then, we go to space? Yes? Become an astronaut? GLaDOS? "

GLaDOS sighed and let the grip hooks descend from the ceiling, grabbing each core tight. "You will see," was all she answered before taking them away to the laboratory. It was time to make preparations for their time outside the facility, now.

Once they were on their way, Wheatley was the first to speak. "So... do you lads think this is some sort of... reward?" He asked. He needed to set his volume high, or they wouldn't all be able to hear him. All four of them were sliding among the management rail, clenched in a griphook. Wheatley in front, Kevin behind him, Rick behind Kevin and Craig behind Rick.

Wheatley didn't know what he would be getting a reward for... But he had certainly deserved it. He had worked hard, hadn't he? GLaDOS had seen it. GLaDOS had seen how hard he had tried to do his best in Aperture and now he was getting his reward. He knew that something good would come out of it, eventually. "Going outside.. wow. That's just amazing, isn’t it? Seeing the outside world. With the.. with the, uh, you know." He laughed it of, not caring to admit he actually had no idea what was out there. He’d never been outside, after all. But that would soon change, anyway. "Sounds amazing. Splendid. Doesn't it?"

Craig reacted enthusiastically. "Fact. 90 percent of cores released into the wild don't die of food poisoning, but of other reasons that are way less painful!"

"Oh, you damn moron! Look. It’s pretty obvious she wants us dead. Right? That’s why! That’s why she’s throwing us out! So we can die! I doubt the outside world is all that Goddamn great!" Rick yelled. He sounded very stressed. And honestly, a bit afraid. "L- like Craig said. We're gon' die, _fellas_. We don't know a damn about the outside world." Rick had no idea how they where supposed to survive.

A moron. A core obsessed with space. One that told facts- which where mostly wrong. And he had to admit, he bragged a lot about knowing how to survive and all.. but that was.. Aperture.

Kevin didn't pay attention to anything the cores said. The only thing he had on his mind was stargazing. He could go stargazing. At night. "Hey, hey, hey, Wheatley. Will you go s-stargazing with me??" He asked, excited.

And that, that little thing, was what did the trick.

"No! No, no, I will not go stargazing with you. You know... you have never even seen space! Maybe it doesn't even exist! How do we know!" He laughed briefly, sarcastically, trying to let the core hear in his laugh how much of a moron that he was. "Then you would be the moron, not me! I mean, not saying I'm the moron, of course. I'm not," he shook his chassis from side to side but the griphook had him held tight. "But then you are! Obsessing over something that doesn't even exist!" He played his breathing deeply- sound effect, to make clear how much this speech impacted him and should impact the others. "And you, Rick!" He then continued. "You always say you know so much about the outside world! Especially about, uh, humans! What's happened with that?"

The Fact Core chirped up again. "Fact. The adventure Sphere is a coward and a liar!"

"B- but-.." Kevin’s expression became sad. "Craig, w-will you go stargazing with me??"

Rick rolled his optic and looked at Wheatley. "I know plenty of stuff! But you know. I'd rather stay in Aperture!-" when Craig insulted him Rick immediately turned his optic to him. "You know. Pinky. As soon as we have a human body. I'm gonna whoop your ass! I agree that Wheatley is but I am not a coward. Nor a liar. And by the way: you are the liar here. Plenty of your facts are fake."

"E-even the space facts?"

"Yes, Kevin! Even the Space facts! Christ, could you shut up about space for once? Once?! That’s all I ask for!"

Craig replied immediately. "Rick the Adventure Sphere is the least nice Core of all the Cores. Nobody likes him. Fact. The fact sphere will be so enormous that he will throw Rick to the moon. Fact. The fact sphere will go stargazing with Kevin who is way nicer than Rick. Nobody likes Rick."

"For once he is right!" Wheatley answered. He still held a grudge against Rick for calling him a moron. "Also- uh, fact. Yeah, I can do facts too. Fact, Wheatley is better than Rick and stronger and smarter!"

Craig played his clearing throat- sound. "Fact. Wheatley's facts don't make any sense."

That made Rick shut up. Really? Did nobody like him? While he was lost in thoughts, he didn't say a thing anymore, waiting until their ride was over.

"You will? You will, you will, you will!? Oh, Craig, thank you! W- we're going to b-be st-stargazing buddies. Yes," Kevin said. Perhaps promising Kevin to go stargazing hadn’t been such a smart move of Craig. "I-if Wheatley can do facts... I c-c-can do them too.. right? Spacefact: I’m the best at space!"

Rick sighed and thought, 'why am I with these idiots... maybe I'm an idiot too.. what if I am? And.. what if I just don't know I am.. maybe I'm not as cool as I think and- ..nah.. t- that’s bullshit.. I'm the coolest Core in aperture! The Adventure Sphere! Sounds awesome. Because.. I am awesome. Yeah. Should have called me... _Awesome Sphere._ '

Rick tried to raise his confidence a little. He hated to admit, but he felt really nervous about this whole.. becoming human thing. What was he going to look like? He’d better be awesome... or he'd demand a refund. For something he didn't even have to pay for.

"Yeah! Now you don't say anything anymore, do you?" Wheatley answered with a huff and a soft laugh. "You.. you mute sphere!" He laughed again at his own joke.

The fact core turned to Kevin and hummed before answering, "fact: the fact core is the only one whose facts are right and enjoyable." And he turned back to face forwards. That should keep him from saying facts ever again. Hmm.. he would still go stargazing with him, though.

Wheatley let out a sigh. "I wonder what kind of body I will have.. it will be big, probably. Huge. Strong. A human body to fit a personality like mine!" Suddenly, he realised something. "But.. oh God. What if this is gonna hurt? What if this is really, really gonna hurt? Oh, God..."

"Hmm. Maybe I'll look like an astronaut? L- like Armstrong! O- or- or another astronaut!? Maybe then I can become an astronaut and go to sp- sp- space?!" Kevin said excitedly.

The four cores where taken of the rail by robotic arms, and had cables plugged into them. Wheatley let out a small yelp, but the other Cores tried to keep as still as they could- except for Rick, of course.

"You're bragging, Wheatley. And you know what? I bet you'll have a tiny head. Yep. Tiny. Because you have no brain. You don-"

While Rick was still talking they got shut off. Without a warning.


End file.
